lean back

lean back –

Since my last post about my back pain a lot has happened. I’ve contemplated changing the name of this blog to one of the following titles as my latest health issues reflect them:
  • Protruding disc in the City
  • Slipped disc in the City
  • Bulging disc in the City

What do you think?!

So what happened you may ask?….well I ended up having surgery. It’s called Microdiscectomy of the L5-S1….ewww I know. It’s so gross and the 20 metal staples I had in my lower back confirms how nasty it is – not the tramp stamp I had in mind…hahaha.

I had the surgery on April 12th. Two weeks before that I couldn’t walk anymore or sit up in a chair. The pain I experienced running down my leg all the way into my foot was unbearable.

Two weeks pre-surgery until now, 5 weeks post-surgery, the only thing I can do is lay down. I was instructed to only sit up 3 times a day for 15 minutes at a time for a full month after surgery. Standing is okay and walking short distances. No driving for at least one week, and then if driving only short distances because I a) couldn’t sit up for long, and b) it’s crucial not to make any sudden movements or twisting.

So that’s it. My life has been laying down…thank God for my husband and kids who have been really understanding. I’m following doctors order to a T because I don’t want to do anything to reinjure the disc.

I’ve posted below a blog I wrote in February that I never posted. I found it on my phone so I thought I share. It’s about the one and only day I took public transportation….enjoy…

Day one riding the looser cruiser aka the bus. Of course it didn’t come and I was already ready to walk back home and hop into my car to make my trek to work.

You see for the past year I had an indoor covered parking spot right across the street from my building that was reasonably cheap by downtown standards.

A couple of weeks ago the owner informed me the building’s condo board wasn’t allowing externals to park there anymore.

It was crushing news. My car is my haven.

So now I’m sitting here writing about my new way of commuting.

I’m trying to find the silver linings….hmmm….

 1. I’ll walk more
 2. Blog
 3. Sleep? (And risk snoring and God forbid drooling!!!!!)
 4. Passenger drama

That’s it for now I’ll let you…oh wait a second!!! The guy sitting next to me just picked his nose and flicked his booger on the floor in the aisle.

I have no words.

I’m out!!

Lean Back


the way you make me feel

the way you make me feel

Back from a one week family vacation in Punta Cana at the Hard Rock Hotel. What can I say? It was awww beautiful, relaxing and a long needed rest. And it was HOT and I met a very white (heavy make-up) Michael Jackson…yay!

We had a tough week before we left. We had to put down our beloved dog named Scooter. He would have turned 17 on June 1st. When we got home, we were greeted by an amazing and thoughtful card from the Vet clinic with Scooter’s paw prints on a little white card.


How amazing is that?! Sad…but a meaningful surprise.

I’m still struggling with that damn protruding disc that pushes on the nerves in my spine, which causes severe throbbing pain running down my leg into my foot. A constant ‘Charlie horse’!

I almost drove myself to the emergency room in the middle of the night the other day, except I remembered that this is not an emergency…like what are they going to do for me? Give me narcotics?…no thank you…wheel me to the operation room for an emergency spinal surgery…doubt it. Plus emergency rooms in the middle of the night creep me out…a whole host of interesting characters appear…trust me I’ve seen it all!

So I had a visit with my family doctor who sent in a requisition to see an neuro/orthopedic surgeon. Great. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes…

I wanted to share a blog post written by  a woman in Ottawa whom I’ve met through a group of breast cancer ladies. She actually organizes monthly get-togethers which includes a wide range of women at different stages of diagnosis.

This post is hopeful for newbies to the #sexybreastcancer community. A very, very inspirational and wonderfully written read:


Ok, so as I’m writing this I got a call for an appointment on March 30th with Dr. Richard Molton, a neurosurgeon. Good timing eh! If he can cure me I might marry him…not exaggerating…or I’ll drain my bank account and hand it over to him (he’ll be poor)…well I hope he’s a miracle worker, otherwise my next move is heading down to Argentina to see one of those voodoo healers who will place his hand on my forehead and speak in tongues.

This is my favourite Michael Jackson song….and this video is so great with BS singing with him live…a must see…and BS is really super hot…and how much do you want to bet that they’re both lip syncing??

amazing grace

amazing grace

Have you ever seen the movie called Silkwood?

Silkwood is a 1983 film starring Meryl Streep, Cher and Kurt Russell. It was inspired by the life of Karen Silkwood. She worked at a nuclear plant or something like that. In the film the employees would have to walk through a detector to make sure they weren’t exposed to radiation due to the materials they handled in the plants.

Meryl Streep’s character walks through and the sirens go off. She is brought into a shower area and is stripped, scrubbed and hosed down by other staff in hazmat suits. I watched this movie when I was younger and I’ve always been haunted by it, it was such a powerful true story.


As a cancer patient, exposure to radiation is part of the detection and treatment of your disease. This is scary on it’s own.

January ignited my memories of Silkwood.

As I’ve mentioned, recently I’ve been telling you about my back/ass pain….well…I know what it is now but of course it wasn’t a straight forward diagnosis.

I was sent by my radiation oncologist for an MRI of my back. The results showed that I have a protruding disc in the L5 S1 area of my lower back.

Okay so now I know why I’m in so much pain, but the test revealed something else… in my T1 T2 area of my back they found a 5mm x 3mm bleeding area or something else.


They told me the radiologist said they weren’t sure what it was…in medical terms they say ‘inconclusive’.

What does this mean? It meant I had to go back for a second MRI with contrast of my full spine and brain for a better reading.

They said best case scenario it’s nothing, worst case scenario it’s cancer…metastasis…aka my breast cancer would have spread.

They did say not to worry because they were pretty sure it wasn’t cancer but given  my history they have to make sure.

Alright, let’s do this. So I went for a second MRI with contrast. I was in the machine for 120 minutes. That’s a long time given that it’s like being in a coffin. Ridiculously claustrophobic.

What freaked me out the most was the cage they put over my face.

Good news though, the spot they found was nothing. Brain and spine are clear of metastatic disease.


In between the MRI’s I had a full body bone scan. This involves going to the nuclear medicine department in the morning to get injected with a radiopharmaceutical, only to return a few hours later for the scan.

All this to say, I’m grateful for the pass on the cancer front, but the upheaval that all these tests and anxiety causes me is exhausting.

I think I might hit a wall soon…three years later and the cancer emotional rollercoaster ride is still going.

I also think if I walked through a machine to detect the radiation levels in my body, the sirens would ring and I’d be scrubbed down until I bled just like Maryl Streep’s character.




king of pain

king of pain

November 10, 2016 is the day I was standing near my bathroom sink getting ready to get in the shower. I coughed. And that cough has altered my life in ways I didn’t know existed.

With all the cancer treatments I’ve been through and still going through…which is hormone therapy…YUK…which can wreak havoc on my body…, well nothing has compared to the last 8 weeks of chronic pain.

Pain that shoots down my leg that starts in my left butt cheek.

But what’s worse then the pain is how tired it makes me, and how tired I am of being tired.

tired…tired…tired…lazy…lazy…lazy…on and on.

I’m watching Mariah’s World right now and she gets off the stage and is literally carried then wheeled to her dressing room by her entourage.

Can you imagine? Being wheeled around all day by hot-back up dancers then handed a glass of champagne….lol…it’s really all too much. I envy her though, NYE fuck-up and all…like ~ do you think she cares about that? I don’t. She’s Mariah Carey with endless bottles of bubbly… who cares if she lip syncs and walks off the stage, she lives in oblivion a place I’m not familiar with.

Anyway, ya so being in pain and tired is challenging and I read somewhere that it can lead to insomnia and depression.

Great. Pile on the layers of crap I have to go through. poor me! I want to be optimistic and enjoy life, enjoy being ‘cancer free’ but life seems to throw me a curve ball every once in a while that just brings me down to reality. Brings me down like the universe is letting me know not to get too joyous.

Well…I’m going to say it here… screw you ass pain… you won’t nor can’t bring me down!