i want to break free

I’m sitting here in the waiting room for my pre-op appointment and I was thinking what it would be like if we (myself & other patients) started telling each other what we are going into surgery for. I’m pretty sure I’d win, people are jealous of us implant ladies. Unless they’re getting a face lift, tummy tuck, or penis enlargement – I win.

You’d think I’d be a pro at this work-up stuff for surgery, but I’m not. I feel like I don’t belong every time and I want to run out screaming but there is no escape, no breaking free. I completely forgot my meds today, although I don’t think they told me over the phone when confirming this appointment that I’ll need to list the drugs I’m taking. Anyway, patient tasks 101 – always bring your meds…just in case. Unless you are able to memorize name, dosage, and time of consumption readily. And ALWAYS bring a prepared list of questions. This doesn’t mean you need to bring in a ten page document, but you would be surprised how easy it is to forget the one most important question you may have. Next appointment I have with my medical oncologist in May, I’m going to ask him if it’s okay to record our discussions on my iphone. This would help me a lot, especially since even though I’m thorough with my line of questioning, I always feel like I missed some of the information. I’ll let you know if he agrees. There are probably some legalities around this so I’ll see.

In case you’re curious, here were my vitals (vitals are cool):

W – 67.9 kilos
H – 164 centimetres
BP – 133/90 (not great)
Pulse – 72

After my vitals are taken and recorded. The nurse asked me a lot of questions…blah, blah, blah and then I waited to have an ECG. An ECG is pretty much the medical term for measuring your heart muscle. This is to ensure your heart is strong enough for the general anesthetic…I was nervous, I’m not going to lie. Although, this wasn’t the same as having a heart ultrasound, this is when they look inside the heart as opposed to just the heart muscle. Before you start chemo they have to ensure your heart is strong enough for the poison (gross!). Anytime I have any form of imaging, being it an X-ray, MRI, bone scan, liver ultrasound, brain MRI…in the back of my mind I hear that little voice saying ‘get ready anything can go wrong, cancer cells can hide and travel anywhere at any time OR everything will be fine forever’. They call this scanxiety. I like to call it realism with a dash of denial.

I had a routine chest x-ray in January that came back all clear…lord have mercy.

I wasn’t able to go swimming this morning…boo. Oh well, at least I look forward to it unlike running on a treadmill and counting the seconds until it’s over.


5 thoughts on “i want to break free

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