make you feel my love

Since my kids are on March break this week and my husband is working, I’ve only been to the pool once during the public swim. I’ve been to public swimming sessions before but I forgot how obnoxious they are. You know how people have an imaginary personal space surrounding themselves? Basically like a 20ish inch bubble covering the entire perimeter of your body, and if a stranger steps close and crosses this barrier your horrified and sometimes disgusted – well this happened to me about 50 times during the 2 hours I was there. It’s wall to wall people in bathing suites accidentally touching underwater or rubbing up against each other. GROSS. I would not recommend this situation for a person who suffers from Agoraphobia. The good news is that the kids loved it and it tires them out, any parent will appreciate this. I hadn’t noticed before but the pool has a giant hook on the ceiling that attaches to a large rope so the kids (and some crazy adults!) can swing and jump into the deep end like Tarzan. Great feature.

Other good news is I splurged and bought myself a FINIS Neptune, which is an underwater mp3 player. It’s really cool because the sound of the music is bone conducting. The piece sits on both of your cheeks and the sound travels into your ear once it’s submerged underwater up to 10 meters in. How cool is that!. So no traditional headphones. I was able to figure out how to convert my itunes songs to mp3 files and load it up fairly easily. If I have great music to listen to while working out I can tack on at least an extra 30 minutes. I’ll let you know how this goes. I think I’ll test it out in the bathtub first so I don’t have to fumble around with it for an hour in front of people, especially the boooored lifeguard atop her condescending tower – who may even give me stink eye. whatever.

I want to give you a description of the beginning portion of reconstructive surgery, and a detail that at first I didn’t want anyone to know but now I think it’s totally cool. This is where I tell you that not all patients go for this option for many reasons. It’s a personal choice and one that I only had about one week to determine. FML. Anyway, here is the cool part – the plastic surgeon used what they call Alloderm. Alloderm is created from donated human skin and helps to provide coverage of the tissue expander, and also to create a pocket that holds the temporary tissue expander then eventually the silicone implant aka ‘Gummy bear breast implants’. My PS told me a lot of women decide not to go with this option because of the Alloderm. They are not comfortable with the thought of having a deceased person’s skin in their body. At first, when I thought I could do the procedure that used only my own fat/tissue (tram flap aka tummy tuck) and not have to go the implant route, I was glad because I also found it weird to have donor tissue in MY body. But then when I found out I couldn’t do the tram flap, I decided I was ok with it because –  why the f*ck not. Some people are happily walking around with other people’s lungs and hearts. Perspective was also a factor….really… I thought scientists and doctors are trying to save my life and give me back what basically is an amputation of sacred body parts. So I’d like to thank the person who selflessly gave their body to science so that others could benefit from their generosity and love. I feel the love which has given me the gift of trying to rebuild my post-cancerous self both mentally and physically. I am eternally grateful to you.


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