i wish

I’ve decided I’m dividing people into two categories either emoji lovers or haters. I’m a lover. Especially the poo with googly eyes and a crest white smile. I think its good luck, same goes for the four leaf clover. When I first saw them was when my daughter was composing messages with her peers. Her age group uses them without inhibition, sometime a singular text contains 100 of them without a single word. It’s really cute and better than sexting! Looking forward to those days, seriously. At first, I thought I would never use those, thinking it’s so tacky and obnoxious, and I’m wayyyyy too old – kind of similar to a lot of exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!! …not a fan. But I’ve slowly warmed up to them and I am now officially in love with clever emoji’s, even the 10 year old usage. sue me.

Omg I’m watching the latest episode of the Real Housewives of New York City and one of the women was getting a facial with a GOLD embedded peel and last week she had one done with HUMAN placenta…hmmmm. This scene was filmed on her terrace while she was laying on a portable message table. Oh I just had a thought, my parents have a terrace, I should hire an esthetician duo to come over and my mom and I can have facials and messages…imagine? I wish. That would be a once in a lifetime for me, not weekly. And then another one was crying and whining in the back seat of a Bentley (with gorgeous two tone leather btw) saying that she feels homeless because her ex is living in their place in Hudson. She had to move to her house in East Hampton for a while, but she couldn’t stay out of the city too long because she has her daughter’s well being to consider. So sadly she had to get back to the city and stay in a hotel while awaiting the end of construction of her new place in TriBeCa…..boo hoo hoo. I think she’s the one who was getting slack for posting a picture of herself wearing her 4 year old daughter’s hello kitty pj’s last year on Instagram. Then they showed previews for next week’s episode, she was talking about not giving a rats ass about the media, every negative comment bounces off her – and ‘even if they got a pic of me having sex with barnyard animals in Time Square, I wouldn’t care’, she added ‘it’s ok I’ve had sex with many pigs’…..hahahahaha……I don’t watch many of these shows for many reasons, one being that there are so many of them to keep up with (get it?) I’d have to strap myself 24/7 to a chair and only move to get more wine and popcorn. Secondly it’s pure crap. My fav is Big Brother and Amazing Race…probably because it’s not cast with multi-millionaire having meltdowns in cars worth 250k. I’ve known many 2 year olds more intelligent and mature than these women. I’m sure in real life their really real and down to earth, NOT! omg ‘NOT’ is so retro.

If I’m going to take the time to devote to writing about what I experienced, I want to start from the day they told me I have a 90% chance of having cancer, and before preliminary diagnoses. Full diagnoses (final pathology report) is learned 3-4 weeks after surgery, because they analyze the tumour aka they sent my beloved breast tissue and nipples (I wonder if they were transported in a glass jar?), also the unwanted cancerous lymph nodes to a lab (fascinating!) I wrote about this day in the post called ‘you gotta be cool’ on February 24, 2015. The official start not including my denial period two months prior, was the day I had a mammogram of both breast, an ultrasound, and an unscheduled biopsy. This biopsy was conducted based on the radiologist review of the mammogram I had done about 45 minutes while getting the ultrasound (all is done in house at The Women’s Health Breast Centre). I wonder if they have a ‘panic button’, so that when someone like me comes in and the tumour is discovered there is a rehearsed protocol – everyone smile, whisper and pretend that NOTHING bad is happening. God bless the staff, they are very good at what they do which is like emergency respondents – trained, ready and genuinely caring. Now if my writing seems scattered or ‘all over the map’ this is evidence of my thought processing capacity, but also bona fide results of chemo brain, yes it is real. The day of my ‘pre-official’ diagnoses, I met the surgical oncologist. I would learn that I would have a group of 4 main cancer doctors, with all reports being sent to my family physician. What? Really? 4? This doesn’t include the home nurses, primary nurses in hospital, social workers, support staff, the list goes on…they all were and still are amazing!

List of cancer doctors assigned to me:

  1. Surgical oncologist
  2. Plastic Surgeon
  3. medical oncologist
  4. Radiation oncologist

I wish I could switch the above list for the following professionals:

    1. cook
    2. cleaner
    3. make-up artist
    4. Louis C.K.

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