Starting the second week into January of this year has been a devastating time for me and my family. My very much loved father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and passed away on Friday April 29th.
As I’ve said many times before on this blog – life is constant rollercoaster of emotions going up and down and you just have to go along for the ride…you have no choice. Losing one of my favourite people in this world was not part of the ride we/I was ready to take. It’s an understatement to say that from his diagnosis to his life ending has been and still is heart wrenching and incomprehensible.
He is gone. How do we just keep going, how do we move forward? Our lives are not the same without him. Period.
I’ve also wrote many many times that I feel like since my husband’s cancer diagnosis in July of 2007, I walk through life most of the time in a ‘twilight zone’ state. This feeling was magnified in November of 2013 by my diagnosis of breast cancer, only mixed into my myriad of emotions was adrenaline, survival mode…auto pilot mode.
Fast forward to today and I simply feel numb.
I speak for myself here, but I will speak for my family as well…
I FUCKING HATE CANCER
We’ve had enough.
My children have been through so much and that’s what makes me nauseous. I had to explain so much about life and illness to them and their precious growing minds. My hope is that it makes them extremely compassionate and strong individuals.
What else can I hope for? Their happiness and peace of course. But life doesn’t work that way and as I’ve also mentioned before it’s so so important and a MUST to teach your kids about the shit that life will throw at them.
As Lainey and her mom the squawking chicken would say…don’t prepare your children for the good things that will happen in life, prepare them for the bad things.
When life is good it’s good….great…enjoy.
When life is bad it’s bad….crap…duck and hold on until your luck changes and the goods things start to happen again.
My kids had many questions about the past couple of weeks events…the most asked one is ‘Why Nonno?’…’Why couldn’t have been someone else?’….’Why Nonno?… ’Why couldn’t have been someone else?’….
My answer…”I don’t know why”…”we don’t know why God chooses to take one person over the other”.
I believe in God or a higher being…spirits, ghosts whatever…I don’t believe this is the only thing for us. How could it be? What’s the point if there is not a peaceful life beyond planet earth??!
If I’m wrong about the after world than so be it…but I choose to believe and I feel it in my bones.
All that being said, death is part of life and we have to except it.
Hospice Care Ottawa is where my father-in-law spent his final weeks of life. What this organization does for the ailing in their last stages of life is unbelieved and noble. I know that’s their job. That’s what their trained for, but the staff and volunteers are doing a job that not many would be capable of and they need financial support.
Here’s a link if you can help: http://www.hospicecareottawa.ca/
Caruso is a song he loved and because I can’t understand the lyrics I wiki’ed the meaning which is….
The song simply tells about the pain and longings of a man who is about to die while he is looking into the eyes of a girl who was very dear to him….
Happy mothers day all…who doesn’t love a little Il divo on a Sunday?!….enjoy….