let your backbone slide

let your backbone slide ~

“So many suckers on my sacroiliac…It’s like a rap-sack, backpack, wic-wic-whack, give me some slack jack”…..

4 weeks ago yesterday I coughed standing up getting ready to get into the shower.


That’s it. And now I have to go to physiotherapy 3 times a week to fix my dysfunctional sacroiliac…really…WTF?

Can you believe that you can sneeze or cough and put your back out?!!

I’m tired and I have words to describe how annoyed I am. How can this be?

My family doc said it’s definitely not cancer…really? I don’t know but I think after all my treatments my bones are very brittle. The chemo and the hormone therapy pills I take now can suck all the calcium out of my bones.

It could be possible that I’ve broken some bones or slipped a disc so I’ll have to go for an xray to rule it out.

Once a cancer patient ~ always a cancer patient.

As I’m sitting here writing this blog I want to desperately replenish my coffee but I can’t get up….hahaha….fuck!

I’ve never experienced chronic pain before…even when I was doing all my treatments and surgeries.

The worst part is that I was told that my back is weak from sitting in my chair at work all day so that’s probably what caused me to screw it up so easily.

Great…so now I have to sit for the next 17 years working with a broken back…it doesn’t make sense…I mean; it’s not natural to sit at a desk 8 hours a day, five days a week.

Picture this: Black Friday at Chapters, I was at the cash paying for my purchase. About 20 people in line behind me. Just so you know, I have a really hard time picking things up with this pain…and what do I do??? Drop my wallet and all my change fell out…

No one helped me…I stared at the floor for about 10 seconds before I bent over to pick everything up….the other problem was that I can’t pick up change easily with my long nails…

It hurt a lot and I felt like a giant loser…come on give me some slack JACK!!

Happy Friday everyone!!

SU2C draft footage

SU2C draft footage ~

I’m sharing with my blog followers a short video of the Stand Up 2 Cancer red carpet event in LA on September 9th that I covered as press and a cancer survivor.

Disclaimer: it’s not the finished cut but it’s a start and I can’t wait anymore to share it as I feel very proud of myself for diving in and just going with it.

I’m also very proud of what Canada is doing to contribute to the fight against cancer, and the revolutionary results that are coming out of our city and country. We should be very proud to be supporting these SU2C Dream Teams….

money, money, money

money, money, money ~

I have a dilemma. I guess you could say it’s a good dilemma, one which a lot of people would wish for. Actually, I have two dilemma’s but I’ll start with the first one.

When I was off on sick leave I wasn’t paying into my pension. As a matter of fact since I’ve been back at work in February I haven’t paid back into my pension from when I was off. This may seem like not a big deal, but apparently it makes a huge difference when I retire.

I’m eligible to retire when I’m 62 years old..2032 or 2033.

I’m 43 years old right now, turning 44 in January. This means I have 16-17 years left to work towards retirement.

Here’s the thing, whatever amount that would have to be deducted from my paychecks now to pay it back will make a difference for us monthly. At this point in our lives it’s the most expensive time for us…mortgage, cars, kids activities, on and on…

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I feel less worried about my financial future. I feel like if I survive to attend my retirement party and give a thank you speech…I’ll be one of the lucky ones, so who cares about the money…I want to take advantage of every penny now.

Tough spot to be in? Yes, it is. What would you do? Save every penny for the future or spend like you may not see tomorrow?

Second dilemma ~ I threw my back out while I was getting ready to leave for my son’s hockey tournament in Jay Peak, Vermont last Thursday, so over a week ago.

I had a 90 minute message on the Friday at the resort’s spa hoping it would relieve some of the pain. It didn’t. I was fine with that knowing time should heal the wound.

It’s been 11 days now and the pain has shifted from my tail bone and the general middle back area to my left ass cheek, and now I’m having trouble walking!

Jesus Christ.

Is it pain? Is the bastard cancer coming back? Is it old age? …. you know how I threw my back out? …. I coughed really hard…that’s it…

I had a full body bone scan in April that was clear…great, but that was 8 months ago…do I need to go back for another one?

#sexybreastcancer can rear it’s ugly head at anytime…shit…fuck…it’s gotta be muscle relatedl!!

Is my ass too fat or my bones too weakened? I feel like I did a thousand squats on my left side only.

See why money doesn’t mean a thing when you presently have worse worries…






boobs ~

Dear blog followers, friends, neighbours, family, strangers…everyone…I’m asking you to take 3 minutes out of your day to help the Ottawa Hospital Foundation which will donate directly to Ottawa’s new Breast Health Centre.

The Ottawa Hospital Breast Health Centre was everything to me when I was diagnosed with #sexybreastcancer and still is…come to think of it, when I was breast feeding my daughter 11 years ago I had cancer scare. I had found a lump in my right breast that I had biopsied because there was concern that it may be a malignant lump…turned out to be thick breast milk….gross!

Anyway, if you ever find yourself or someone you know going for a test or anything that may follow, you will be grateful for this GEM of a place. I know I was there…I’ve also been there with friends who had appointments or other breast cancer patients…it truly is a wonderful and comforting place to be in the face of darkness.

Here is what I’ve been asked to do ~ so please share the information and link below! It will make a huge difference for our community as the incidence of breast cancer is on the rise ~ BIG TIME!:

Avon is asking Canadians to upload their selfies to www.newfaceofavon.ca and for every photo uploaded, Avon will donate $1 to a Breast Cancer Charity of the contestant’s choice from a drop-down menu of 16 registered Canadian charities, which includes The Ottawa Hospital Foundation (funds will be directed to the Breast Health Center). It only takes a few minutes and will raise a dollar for each entry submitted (you can only enter once). We are asking you to enter the contest and share and promote it with your friends, family and contacts. The more selfies submitted the more funds raised for TOHF!

Here’s what you need to do…super easy:

1 – Go to http://www.newfaceofavon.ca/upload.php

2 – Select a photo of yourself to upload and click next

3 – Enter your contact information and click next

4 – Select the Ottawa Hospital Foundation from the drop down menu and click submit!

Thanks so much, very appreciated,


PS…one from the archives…”You’ve gotta have boobs”…imagine dancing in a carpeted, wood paneled living room back in the day to this song…the songs I find on youtube OMG 😉

check on it

check on it ~

“You can look at it as long as you don’t GRAB IT

I’ve quoted Queen Bee in spirit of the American elections this week. It’s self explanatory if you don’t get it.

We as Canadians will be waking up to a different world on Wednesday, November 9th – regardless of which way it goes. Apparently on Monday night, bars all over the world are going to be packed with people watching this shit show, that I call entertainment, as it unfolds late into the night. I for one will be glued to my TV since I’ve watched all three debates, therefore I have to see the finale!

My kids had great outfits this Halloween. My daughter was Harley  Quinn from Suicide Squad, and my son was Donald Trump in a prisoners outfit. The best part is when people opened the door to give out candy he said “vote Trump!” and they all broke out laughing!

November is not traditionally a very good month for me. November for some reason has always tested me. Why? Many reasons but the main one is #sexybreastcancer…November 14, 2013 to be exact. I’m hoping to change up my luck…so I’ll tell you two stories, one that happened yesterday, the other one happened last week.

You can be the judge if you think the first one is good…the second was awesome!

Yesterday I went to see my plastic surgeon because I’ve been unhappy with my left tit. It looks like a shriveled up potato…like the kind people stuff nylons with to make a face…here’s a visual:



It obviously doesn’t look exactly like that but close if you minus out the nose and the eye and turn it sideways.

Don’t laugh…it’s the truth – no sarcasm here! But it’s part of the recovery of breast cancer treatment. Getting my ovaries removed accelerated weight gain which in turn, turned my beautiful new ‘boob’ into a potato head.

The good news ~ I will have it fixed….FAT GRAFTING aka LIPOSUCTION from my stomach to correct Mr. Potato Head.

Now I know other cancer patients may be jealous…but don’t be I still will have no feeling and will have to do more surgery down the road.

I just pray to God and the universe that the doctor while sucking out fat form my stomach will keep going and suck out all areas of unwanted cellulite….hahaha…

Wish me luck! It may take a while and there is a long list of #sexybreastcancer women ahead of me.

Second story…

I was invited as a guest speaker to speak to a group of women at the Ottawa chapter of an organization called Zonta Club of Ottawa last Wednesday night. It is part of a larger organization called Zonta International.

Here is their mission and vision statement:


Zonta International is a leading global organization of professionals empowering women worldwide through service and advocacy.


Zonta International envisions a world in which women’s rights are recognized as human rights and every woman is able to achieve her full potential.

I’m so down with that!

As part of its mandate to improve the education and the professional status of women, the Zonta Club of Ottawa established an annual bursary and awards program, as well addressing violence against women and elder abuse.

Wow how nice of them to think of me! Thank you Dr. North and Zonta members for the great welcome and dinner, it was truly an honour to be a part of this.

I met a couple of ladies after the talk who wanted to share their breast cancer stories with me. I love this! As I always say ~ story telling is everything, more importantly, feeling validated is everything.

I’m happy that my story resonates with people, and not just with breast cancer patients and survivors but mothers, grandmothers, caregivers…you know pretty much anyone who has been affected by cancer…so basically EVERYONE!

I had 20 minutes to speak but my friend told me I went over my time limit and hijacked the women for almost 45 minutes…lol…I thought I was under time.

The thing is I asked in advance if I should prepare a deck. I was told it wasn’t necessary…phew ~ thank the lord…I wouldn’t have minded but winging it is more my style.

It’s not that I didn’t take it seriously, I did, it’s just that I know my story, I know the intricacies of my cancer life and the one of my husband. I can rhyme it off in my sleep ~ diagnosis dates, surgeries, appointments,  good days, bad days, all days…they’re imprinted in my memory like a rolodex of significant events like others would have ~ anniversaries, first kiss, new jobs, divorce, engagements, etc. I have these dates memorized as well,  I just have and extra calendar of cancer events.

I knew what they wanted to hear ~ how I got to Hollywood to cover the Stand Up to Cancer event. So I told them in 45 minutes..lol!!

At the end (when I finished babbling) there was a Q & A and someone asked me what my mantra was….good question…I had never thought of a mantra…hhhmmmmm

I’ll steal one from my neighbor who is a total boss women:


The other two things that kept me going but I’m not sure if you would call it a mantra is rest, and of course a good book or a great song.

I could be feeling like complete shit but if I put on a favourite song,  I’d be in a better mood or a good head space instantaneously.

Thank you Wendy for coming with me and keeping me in check! I love you xo

Here’s a photo when they graciously gave me a beautiful yellow rose:


Queen Bee – need I say more…